Confessions of a Control Freak

He turns rivers into a desert,
springs of water into thirsty ground,
a fruitful land into a salty waste,
because of the evil of its inhabitants.
– Psalm 107:33-34

God appoints change. And everyone deals with change differently.

Some people pretend like nothing is happening, some people get angry, some people run away.

I do all three. I try to put myself together (or put lipstick on a pig) when I feel like my life is out of control. I tell myself what I “should” feel and how I “should” act, and then charge forward as if I can somehow change myself.

I convince myself that I need to hide my imperfections (sin) and be a “good Christian” (holy), in my power and strength — what an oxymoron.

By God’s grace, my efforts don’t work. I crash and burn, God intervenes with a storm, and I’m reminded that my own efforts only lead to sin and death.

By God’s grace, I’m reminded that though I am weak, he is strong; that only by the his power can I beat sin.

By God’s grace, I’m reminded that I get to live freely as a redeemed sinner through faith in Jesus, and that the real, ugly, sinful me is safe in the arms of her Father.

By God’s grace, I can confess with confidence that I’m in a season where joy has never been harder to fight for, that I feel like a mess, and that my sin looks uglier than it’s ever looked before.

And, by God’s grace, I get to see that this season is not without purpose, that God is using this season for far greater purposes than my mind can even handle, and that this is a good season for me to be in because I am being conformed to the image of Christ.

He turns a desert into pools of water,
a parched land into springs of water.
And there he lets the hungry dwell,
and they establish a city to live in;
they sow fields and plant vineyards
and get a fruitful yield.
By his blessing they multiply greatly,
and he does not let their livestock diminish.
When they are diminished and brought low
through oppression, evil, and sorrow,
he pours contempt on princes
and makes them wander in trackless wastes;
but he raises up the needy out of affliction
and makes their families like flocks.
The upright see it and are glad,
and all wickedness shuts its mouth.
Whoever is wise, let him attend to these things;
let them consider the steadfast love of the LORD.
– Psalm 107:35-43

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